The Wonderful World of Parody
by Support Moony
Summary: Who needs serious stuff, really? If you like making fun of characters or just having a laugh, you've come to the right place! This is just random parodies of the HP world and weird crack-ish, supposed-to-be-funny stuff. Any references you don't get, please review and ask Otherwise, please read, try to laugh and not get freaked out. :D
1. HP & The Duck (Parody of Book 3)

**Harry Potter and the Innocent Rubber Ducky**

Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one, his daddy was James the red engine (please don't ask me how that's possible). And yes, he loves homework. Problem, anyone? And because he sucks he's never gotten a birthday card ever. And Harry Potter's not even his real name! He's actually called James the red engine the second! (for lack of creativity)

But well, you see, when Harry/James was born, the was this psychopath called Light Yagami that was out to kill him. So his parents gave him a fake name. But they also ran/puffed (?) away. Yeah, and left him behind. Wow he has wonderful parents!

Well, anyway, Harry was then sent to live with his dysfunctional uncle and aunt. Umm, and his scar? Err, his scar's actually just a scar. He fell off a tree. Duh.

Oh and I guess I didn't mention the fact that he's a wizard. Because he isn't, duh! He's a lizard! Umm, I mean, he's a magician! (and works at a circus, oh yes)

Well, today is Harry's birthday. It passed. Harry still didn't get any cards. Maybe Dobby stole them, Well, the author doesn't care. Who needs cards, anyway?

The next day Harry was depressed because he didn't get any presents. He went down to cook breakfast for his family.

Interesting family, now that we mention it. Harry's uncle, Vermont Tyres, was an extremely rusty old car. Not that different from Mater from Pixar's Cars ™, actually. Just grumpier and weirder. Harry's aunt, Petunia Tyres was a flower and was therefore kept in a vase. Harry's cousin was Makka Pakka from In the Night Garden. As I said, interesting family.

"Roar roar beep beep" said uncle Vermont.

"WHAT?" growled Harry. That dude really needs anger management lessons. I guess it happens, when both of your parents are redheads.

"Aunt Meringue is coming over to stay."

"WHAT?" Harry was really freaked out! Aunt Meringue was a pink car with Hatsune Miku painted on her (just because the author saw one on Wikipedia yesterday). But it turns out, in doing so, she had violated Japanese copyrights ©. And, no, she is not descended from a certain Yao Wang. I mean, why would she be...?

_Anyway_, so whenever she came they had yandere police breaking down their doors. Yup. It's freaky! I mean, have you seen them "kol"-ing? And apparently they have katanas and overweight Pikachus and…

Wait, calm down Harry. You're a magician. You are not scared of overweight Pikachus.

But that's beside the point. The point is, Harry was scared, so he ran away. Yeah. It was night. I know, I don't get how one second Harry is making breakfast and next second it's _night._ But, I don't care either.

Then Harry saw something very spooky.

A scary looking rubber ducky was staring at him from in the bushes.

Harry screamed.

He tripped and was run over by a bus.

THE END

_And yes, the rubber ducky was innocent._


	2. The Awesome Sorting Hat

**The Awesome Sorting Hat**

_According to a wide range of fanfictions, the sorting hat is all knowing. It knows your deepest, darkest secrets, it knows your past, and it also knows your future. So, we were thinking, if the sorting hat knows the future, it must have been extremely incapable, dumb, or else scared for this to not have happened…_

"Tom Riddle!"

The tall, haughty looking first year walked up to the stool with his head held up high. He jammed the hat on, eager for this to be over.

Unfortunately, that was not going to happen.

To everyone else in the hall, it just looked like this 'Tom Riddle' was a hard one to sort. But, however, to the boy sitting there dumbfounded, it was a completely different case.

"AHHHH OMG OMG OMG THIS IS SOOOOO FREAAAAAAKKKKKKYYY! AHHHH HEEEEELLLLPPPPPPPP!" said "a small voice in his head".

"Shut up, you stupid hat, just sort me already!" thought Riddle silently. He was seething. What the hell was the damn hat on about?

"OMG, LIKE, WHAT? IM LIKE, TOTALLY ON THE EVILEST WIZARD EVER TO EXIST'S HEAD, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO, LIKE, SHUT UP?" it screeched, loud enough for the whole hall to hear. Hm. Who knew hats had a temper?

Ok, by now the whole school was very confused…

Then, in a flash, the sorting hat slipped off the boy's head and strangled him.

"Whoohoo~!" it sang. "I like, totally just saved about a billion people's asses in the future~!"

Then the hat realised that it had just committed homicide. Whoops. Well, like it cares, anyway. I mean, putting a hat into Azkaban is toooootallly the stupidest thing anyone can do.

Anyway, everyone was really shocked and horrified of the sorting hat, until it explained everything and cleared everything up. No harm done. It was treated like a hero.

That night though, it was then burnt into ashes by around a billion rabid fangirls because it had prevented the Harry Potter series from existing. Better luck next time, hat!


	3. Harry the poet?

**Harry the poet?**

**AN: There's one little mistake in POA, where it's supposed to say 'Hospital wing', it says 'Dormitory'. Seriously, page 305 of the Bloomsbury edition, it really is there. So, I don't know how one simple mistake led to this crackfic, but, well…uh, read on? I know it's sucky and weird, but please read it? Not meant to be serious, I don't ship Drarry or Severitus, but I mean no offence to you if you do. **

* * *

_"We did it!" said Harry breathlessly. Sirius has gone, on Buckbeak…"_

_Dumbledore beamed at them._

_Well done. I think-" He listened intently for any sound within the hospital wing. "Yes, I think you've gone, too. Get inside-I'll lock you in-"_

_Harry and Hermione slipped back inside __**the dormitory**__._

**~At this point, imagine Harry and Hermione, about to step into the Hospital Wing, but instead, float serenely all the way back to the Gryffindor dorms before stepping into them.~**

_It was empty except for Ron, who was lying motionless in the end bed._

**(Ok, so, let's just assume that Dean, Seamus and Neville have gone off on midnight adventures. Yay.)**

_As the lock clicked behind them, Harry and Hermione crept back into their own beds, Hermione tucking the time-turned back under her robes. Next moment, Madame Promfrey had come striding back out of her office._

* * *

"Ok, wait a minute," said Harry. "Hermione, since when was your bed in our dormitory?"

"Oh Harry," she said. "I moved in yesterday because Pavarti and Lavender pushed me out, and I was homeless, remember?"

"Alright…" said Harry, not remembering at all. "What about you, then?" He pointed at Madame Promfrey. "Why is your office suddenly in our dorms now? And why the heck are you here in the first place?"

"Oh Harry," she sighed. "You know, being a matron is so boring sometimes, so I decided to come and read your secret diaries!" She giggled.

"What? I don't have a secret diary!" exclaimed Harry.

"Oh yes you do, what about that fluro pink one under your pillow?" Hermione accused.

"HEY! How do you know about Sweetie, Hermione?" said Harry, turning as pink as the diary of subject.

"Oh you know, I just come here and read your diary to get my daily dose of slash. You know, nothing big."

"WHAT? I-" but he was cut off by Madame Promfrey.

"Ooo, Hermione, do tell!"

"Ok, let's see…" And without warning, she grabbed the poor diary from underneath Harry's pillow, leaving Harry open mouthed with shock.

The too fangirls (well, strictly fangirl and fanwoman) leaned in and started reading. Out loud.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I saw Draco once again. He was as beautiful as ever. Today, he called me 'Potter' again. My ears respond quite well to my name, called in his sweet, sweet voice, but I wish that one day, he would call me 'Harry', because I know that he is only hiding his feelings under that cold mask of emotions, and that he feels as strongly for me as I do for him. The thought of that makes me have a desperate urge to write poetry for our love._

_Dear Draco,_

_My love for you is like Spring,_

_Tender, sweet, and uplifting._

_My love for you is like Summer,_

_But your gaze strikes me even dumber._

_My love for you is like Autumn,_

_If there are diseases, I have caught them._

_My love for you is like Winter,_

_Pure, clear, without a splinter._

_Apart, our dreams cannot be reached,_

_So today, to you I do beseech,_

_Take me by the hand,_

_And alone we will stand,_

_Stronger than ever! _

At this point, both the girls giggled, and Hermione said, "Harry, you'll have to give me poetry lessons!"

Harry was not amused. He was not amused. He was not amused. HE WAS NOT AMUSED.

But no one cared.

As the girls kept reading, they found even more poetry. This time, to Snape.

Seriously.

_Dear Sev,_

_My mother may have broken your heart,_

_But I'll mend the pieces, not take them apart._

_One day, I'll make, a potion for you,_

_With emerald and ebony, our very own hues._

_And with the potion, ultimately I'll cure,_

_That heartbreak that prevents your heart from being pure._

_So Sev, my love, I do proclaim,_

_Is pure and truthful, not just a game._

"Harry, you should really just stick to one person, you know." said Madame Promfrey wisely.

"Hmph."

Just then, Ron woke up. Well, not really. Let's just say he was listening the whole time.

"Harry," he said. "I always knew you were gay. But, I mean, Malfoy and Snape? Seriously?"

"I-" But before he could say anything he was cut off by a strange site out of the windows.

Neville, Seamus and Dean were flying through the skies on a unicorn. The hell? But the thing is, there were three of them, and only one unicorn. And, unicorns don't fly anyway...

It was painful.


End file.
